Repetition & Autism

Mikal Britt, Behavior Therapist for 10+ years

Repetition plays a large role in the world of autism.  Today, I am relating it to myself as behavior therapist.  I am relating to how amazed I am when a certain technique works, even though I’ve seen it work over and over again.  A lot of what we do as a behavior therapist is often counter-intuitive, or requires a kind of patience that seems unusual.  So it’s always good to have a reminder that says “this actually works”.

Take a child having a tantrum over homework.  The details are not necessary, only the fact that the child is upset because something has to be re-done.  Calm attempts to help the child are met with growling and yelling, breaking the pencil, throwing the eraser, shaking the desk.

Logic wants to tell this child if they just accept your help rather than have a freak out, this can all be over in five minutes.  But the child is not going to listen to logic at this point.  And if you have a point or rewards system in place, the child will not respond to that either.  The child is committed to this tantrum, unable to let go of his or her frustration.

Sidebar: I know this feeling of deep, unshakeable frustration – I’ve experienced it before.  But I usually save it for things that are a big deal.  Then again, the concept of “a big deal” is completely relative.  Unlike this child, I know how to handle my frustration in a way that doesn’t cause me to break stuff.  But it took me a lifetime to get to this point.  I know that when I am in this state, sometimes there is nothing anybody can do for me.  Logic is meaningless.  And I certainly don’t want anyone to yell at me.

In takes a lot of patience when a child is at this point of extreme meltdown.  But it is always very important to remain calm.  Sometimes firmness and raising the voice and tough love is needed.  Other times, it will only fuel the fire.  This is one of those things I call counter-intuitive.  I’m supposed to be calm and sweet while my child is be nasty and misbehaving?

But a child on the spectrum will not have a typical response to traditional authority or dominance.  People unfamiliar with autism often fall into this trap.  Which is why being in a school or classroom where no one understands autism or is an advocate for the child, can be very detrimental.

Now the child wants to hit things or people and slam doors or punch windows.  The sensory volume just keeps turning up and up.  A line has been crossed, and the child is completely unreachable.  As long as the child is not hurting himself or others, or damaging property, it may be that the best solution is to simply allow the child time to cool down.  Put the child outside in a safe place.  Let the child rage until the flames cool down.  The difficult part is that this may take some time.  The child may say tons of mean and hurtful (often illogical) things.  Let this happen, let it all spill out.  And wait.

And finally, when enough time has passed, the child might finally be ready to listen and turn things around.  At this point, you cannot bring up the previous behavior.  You cannot hold a grudge against all the horrible things that were said.  You cannot use that negative experience as a lesson.  The lesson comes from praising the return to stability, without referencing the tantrum.  Be specific in this praise.

Meet the child with understanding and kindness, maybe a hug; some kind of warmth.  As the child is able to return to completing the homework, only praise the positive.  This is some of the counter-intuitive stuff – not holding a grudge, not talking about the episode.  It can be hard to swallow some of those feelings and it can feel like it doesn’t make sense.  But for those on the spectrum, a tantrum of such emotional magnitude is not the same as a neuro-typical child.  I don’t know exactly what the difference is, but I know that they cannot be compared and that they must be handled differently.  This is why when a “misbehaving” child on the spectrum is treated with traditional methods, it never works.  In fact, it usually makes things worse.

For me, watching this cycle from frustration back to stability is always fascinating and surprising.  I am truly proud of the child for returning to a calm state.  But the reminder that this occurred using calmness, patience, and counter-intuitive methods is never lost on me.  Even though I have seen it happen and done it many times, I am always a bit surprised, in a warm & fuzzy way – these methods work!  Traditionalists or old-school teachers might not understand, and that’s ok.

Having autism puts a child in a world that doesn’t understand him or her.  So a good behavior therapist who actually “gets it” can be an invaluable ally.  And sometimes I need to hear or feel that sentiment repeated over and over again.