6 Mottos Applied to Autism
Mikal Britt, MSW Student & Autism Journalist
I recently left my position at FACT to pursue a Masters in Social Work at CSULA. While I no longer work as a behavior therapist, I am still involved in the autism community. I still think about and advocate for and educate about autism. I attend events whenever possible, I read and share interesting articles celebrating small autism victories or discussing new theories. I look forward to the day the concept of neurodiversity becomes commonly accepted.
In the first few months of grad school, I have collected a handful of sayings that help me remember certain therapeutic skills or ideas.
Here are six of my favorites, applied to autism.
1) BEHAVIOR IS NOT IDENTITY
I can’t remember where or when I first heard this, but boy, it sure did stick with me. I think it’s a very compassionate way of viewing someone when they are in the throes of a meltdown. And when the meltdown is over, this saying will remind you not to hold a grudge. It’s not always easy, but separating the behavior from the personality allows you to see the person rather than react to whatever frustration you are feeling about their maladaptive behavior. It’s a reminder that behind the current meltdown, there is a good, lovable, funny kid in there. It’s also empowering to the person having the meltdown. Because the main thing to remember is this: behavior is a form of communication. So next time you are about to lose your mind because someone is tantruming, remember the human behind the behavior and ask yourself what they are trying to communicate.
2) BE CURIOUS, NOT FURIOUS
I must attribute this saying to my professor Hermila Melero, LCSW. She’s talked about making t-shirts with this quote on it. I like this one because it makes you pause and be aware of your reactions. With therapeutic work, if you lose your cool and get mad, you risk ruining the whole session or relationship. This quote reminds you to remain objective. You are a detective. You are always trying to dig deeper and figure out why. Piece together the clues and make sense of everything. This quote also reminds you never to take anything personally. If someone says something mean or hurts your feelings, don’t get mad, get curious. Keep asking questions and don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
3) YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EFFORT, NOT THE OUTCOME
Oh man, this saying just removes all the pressure of needing to “fix” someone. It removes the guilt of thinking you are not doing enough. And it reminds you that you have no idea what will stick and work for a certain client. You put out information, but after that, it’s out of your control. So as long as you keep putting out the effort, don’t worry about the results. You don’t control those. Sadly, that magical thing you said or did that changed someone’s life might never be known to you. Conversely, that incredible idea that was guaranteed to work might fail completely. And that’s not your fault. You did your end of the equation. For the record, this saying was not learned in grad school. This is something my father said to me years ago. Did he know I would always remember it and share it with others? No. Did he say other brilliant things that I did not absorb or remember? Yes. So keep throwing mud at the wall and have faith that some of it will stick and some of it won’t, and that’s not your problem as long as you keep throwing it.
4) CHOOSE DISCOMFORT OVER RESENTMENT
Another one from Hermila Melero and my current personal favorite of all the quotes. This reminds me to voice my concerns rather than trying to please everyone, which of course leads to resentment and potentially passive aggressive tension. It’s hard to relate this one to autism directly. But I can relate it to working within a system. Whether with teachers or parents or other helping professionals, it’s important to be direct if you feel strongly about something. Don’t wait a week, don’t beat around the bush. Don’t be afraid if you are going against the grain. Tackle the issue with honesty and love. Even if things don’t go your way, at least you have the integrity of knowing you expressed yourself. You did the effort. Those feelings are released and will not fester and grow inside your body/mind.
5) WE DO NOT RESCUE, WE EMPOWER
Anyone familiar with social work should understand this quote. The goal is always to guide the client towards self-advocacy and independence. As far as behavioral therapy, the therapist is not a personal assistant or a babysitter. The therapist is a teacher, except with a lot more patience, time, and focus than traditional teachers. When there is a challenging task, perhaps you know you could take care of it in thirty seconds. That would be easiest. But it wouldn’t be the most effective in terms of a learning opportunity. Instead, let the client accomplish the task, even if it takes way longer than necessary. Even if you help a little bit, let the client take the credit. We are trying to boost people up, not hold their hands. This also helps remove any ideas of an uneven power concept. The therapist is not better than the client. Therapist and client are two people working together towards a goal. Which reminds me of another quote…
6) YOU ARE THE BEST RESOURCE I HAVE FOR YOU
OK, this one is a bonus. So what does it mean? The client is your focus and the client is the one closest to themselves. They know themselves better than anyone else and your job is to respond to that. Forget what other people have to say. They are all coming from their own perspectives. I mean, you can listen and take outside recommendations into account. But the client is the realest source of information. Even if the client is non-verbal, you can use observation to know them, rather than going off what others say. This gives the client power and reminds them that you believe in them. It also reinforces the idea that you’re assisting the client in achieving their personal goal, not what you or someone else thinks is best for them.