5 Things Your Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

Mikal Britt, Behaviorist 10+ Years

This is a piece I wrote with a child with autism who preferred not to be mentioned. It’s 5 things we think your child with autism wish you knew, but maybe doesn’t tell you. We hope you enjoy!

1. They love you deeply
They may not show it in the traditional ways, but your child understands on some level the importance and value of your relationship. They would be scared and helpless without you and they know this. They watch and listen to everything you do, mimicking you and learning from you. The thought of losing you makes them feel sad and terrified. They may express their love by hugs and kisses or they may do it by scripting a line from their favorite movie. They wish they could express their love for you in a more conventional way, but it’s simply not in their nature. But that does not mean that the love is absent.

2. They know having tantrums upset you
They don’t want to have tantrums. They don’t want to cry and scream and temporarily lose their minds. They know that a tantrum is exhausting and can ruin special experiences or even mundane days. But sometimes a tantrum is like a sneeze that simply cannot be contained. They don’t do it to upset you and if they could control it, they would. They feel embarrassed when they have a tantrum and they feel sad when they see the uncomfortable look on your face. They never mean to hurt you and if they do, they always regret it and feel bad about it.

3. They are always trying their best
Even when it looks like they are distracted, not listening, and misbehaving; they are actually doing the best they can. Everyday is a struggle and they give it all they have; inevitably some days are better than others. But throughout all the ups and downs, their strength of spirit persists. They often have to try twice as hard (or more!) than those they are surrounded by. And they feel like they get no credit for this effort, because it always seems to backfire somehow.

4. They are listening to you
It may just be that your words are moving too fast. And maybe there are too many words for them to keep track of. It is like you are speaking a different language sometimes, using metaphors and idioms and sarcasm… it’s a lot to take in, so even when they are listening, they get easily lost and distracted. They wish you would slow down and be more clear. They wish they could process this confusing world better.

5. They’re tired of you talking about them like they are not right there
When you are talking on the phone or to a teacher about what happened at school that day. They hear you and they are not invisible. They know when you are talking about them, whether it’s in a hushed whisper or overtly out loud. They may not understand all your words and meanings, but they pick up on your tone. They can feel when you are happy or sad or frustrated. They know when they have disappointed you. Just because they may not respond or speak up does not mean that they are not recognizing what is happening.